I spent yesterday mostly moping around and crying. I can't help it. I sent out a bunch of emails telling my family and some friends about my diagnosis. Their replies are touching and loving, but this only made me cry even more. My sister is in town, and wanted to stop by to see us, but I was not too keen on the idea since I looked a mess, eyes swollen from crying, no makeup, etc. But she did stop by, and I cried even more, but she stayed several hours, and we talked about a lot of things besides my situation, so eventually I realized that I was really hungry. I had not eaten since breakfast, as I'd had no appetite at lunch. So my sister, my husband and I went to Posta Plata, a new Mexican restaurant in Fayetteville. Ordinarily, my husband and I shy away from Mexican restaurants in this part of the world because the food tastes awful, not at all what we consider real Mexican food. But Posta Plata surprised us all. First of all, the restaurant is very nicely appointed, not the usually kitschy pinatas and loud mariachi music. The decor is black and white, understated, elegant even. The food was wonderful! Or was it that I was really hungry? But Ramiro and my sister agreed that the food was excellent. We stopped to talk to Chef Omar, who said he was from Mexico City by way of Morelos (close to Monterrey, Mex.). When we told him our grandparents were from Monterrey, he said "oh, then you appreciate the true flavors of Mexico."
Today Ramiro and I have been googling for information about the various forms of dialysis. I know that Ramiro is having to deal with how best to help me, and he's asked who determines which treatment option is best--do we decide? the doctors? the treatment center? What are the factors in favor of this option or the next? We have a lot of questions. Hopefully the seminar on Oct. 27 will offer some answers. I'm leaning toward peritoneal dialysis, just so I won't have to get hooked up to a machine for 4 hours every other day; it seems like that would present the greatest problems for a more natural lifestyle, but I don't know whether peritoneal diaysis is a viable option for me. From what I've been able to gather, being small in size/weight is a plus factor in being able to do the peritoneal dialysis, with larger patients having to use hemodialysis (the big machine type), but I'm so small that I may not have a sufficiently large body cavity to accomodate the 1.5 liters of fluid that have to be pumped in.
I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 100 lbs. I've lost about 5 lbs in the last 2 months. I think (hope) it's because I've really been watching what I eat with respect to sodium and fat; gave up all alcohol, too (except I had a beer last night with dinner). I hope the weight loss isn't a sign of some other problem yet undetected. I remember that my dad lost a lot of weight when he was first diagnosed with renal failure, but he was practically at death's door by the time he was diagnosed. Nothing I've read so far indicates that weight loss is a sign of Stage 4.
Didn't go in to work today; I've emailed my boss that I want to talk to him about quitting and his finding someone to take my place. I don't know when I start dialysis, nor how it will affect, but the last thing I need is the added stress of trying to get my work done while I'm coping with the information, medical appointments, etc. At some point it will be necessary to get either a port put into my arm for hemodialysis, or have a catheter installed into my abdomen for the peritoneal dialsys. That entails a hospital stay of at least one night. Those procedures have to be done at least a month before the dialysis begins. All this informaton is what I've been able to glean from the internet; I'll know more after the seminar, and more about my own condition after Nov. 10, my next doctor's appointment.
In another post I'll address some spiritual issues that Ramiro and I talked about this morning, and how I'm having trouble praying for myself at this point.
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